My First Mother's Day

Tomorrow will be my first mother's day (unofficially, since he's not actually here yet). I have been thinking a lot about all of the changes in my life over the last year. It's been a pretty crazy but incredible one. I have experienced so many life changing moments and milestones that it is a little overwhelming to process all of it. In the last year I have....started a new career, gotten married, become an aunt to 3 more beautiful neices and nephews, lost two relatives, I will be graduating with my masters degree in about 4 months and about the same time I will be having my first baby. Like I said, a little overwhelming. I would not ask for anything different, its been amazing! I miss Dan and I being newlyweds, although technically we still are. Our relationship has changed a lot since we were married-definately for the better, but still different. And the changes to come in the next year are sure to be just as overwhelming. I am looking for a new teaching position and finding myself battling between working full time and part time. On one hand, I am hoping for full time so we have the opportunity to buy a house sooner and not have to worry so much about money. On the other, I just can't imagine being away from my baby every day. I feel like I won't have enough time to get to know him because I will be so busy with work. I feel like I won't have enough time for my husband because when I am home I will want to spend time with Jonas. I already feel the guilt of going back to work when he's so young, not being able to nurse because I won't be there with him. I know that God has a plan in all of this and it will work out for the best but its been a struggle for me.
On a more upbeat note, our baby is growing every day inside of me which is the most incredible, scary, amazing feeling in the world. I am starting to feel him more and more, though I still have a hard time determining if it is him moving in there. I can't wait until his movements are strong enough for Dan to share in this experience with me. He is getting "bored" of my pregnancy, I suppose because he just sits back and watches it happen while I get to experience it. He's already an amazing daddy. He reads stories to Jonas and talks to him through my belly. He has been so helpful to me, between giving me my shots every day, helping more around the house and going grocery shopping when I'm too tired, and just being there for me in my ups and downs on my emotional roller coaster. I couldn't ask for a better man to share this with. He's amazing. We are both getting really excited to meet our little boy and can't wait to hold him in our arms and see what he looks like. Although I have been warned by some of my co-workers taht once he is here, we will be begging to put him back in for a few more weeks, just so we can catch up on rest :) Its been really interesting and exciting to watch Melissa's little Lana grow and change, thinking that her and Jonas will be almost exactly a year apart in age. So when I saw her trying to crawl this afternoon, reaching for toys and grabbing, playing peek-a-boo, talking/babbling, and discovering her little world, I know that my little baby that is not even here yet will be at that stage in one year from now. Its incredible to think how fast that time is going to go by. I don't want to miss a moment of it. But for now, I am just trying to enjoy my pregnancy and the last few months of Dan and I being "newlyweds" before we start our family. Dan is at the store right now shopping for dinner stuff for tomorrow night so he can make me a special mothers day dinner to celebrate my first year as a "mommy". I feel so blessed that this little person will be coming into our world in just a few short months and can't wait to know more about him and his personality and see him with his daddy.