My First Mother's Day

Tomorrow will be my first mother's day (unofficially, since he's not actually here yet). I have been thinking a lot about all of the changes in my life over the last year. It's been a pretty crazy but incredible one. I have experienced so many life changing moments and milestones that it is a little overwhelming to process all of it. In the last year I have....started a new career, gotten married, become an aunt to 3 more beautiful neices and nephews, lost two relatives, I will be graduating with my masters degree in about 4 months and about the same time I will be having my first baby. Like I said, a little overwhelming. I would not ask for anything different, its been amazing! I miss Dan and I being newlyweds, although technically we still are. Our relationship has changed a lot since we were married-definately for the better, but still different. And the changes to come in the next year are sure to be just as overwhelming. I am looking for a new teaching position and finding myself battling between working full time and part time. On one hand, I am hoping for full time so we have the opportunity to buy a house sooner and not have to worry so much about money. On the other, I just can't imagine being away from my baby every day. I feel like I won't have enough time to get to know him because I will be so busy with work. I feel like I won't have enough time for my husband because when I am home I will want to spend time with Jonas. I already feel the guilt of going back to work when he's so young, not being able to nurse because I won't be there with him. I know that God has a plan in all of this and it will work out for the best but its been a struggle for me.
On a more upbeat note, our baby is growing every day inside of me which is the most incredible, scary, amazing feeling in the world. I am starting to feel him more and more, though I still have a hard time determining if it is him moving in there. I can't wait until his movements are strong enough for Dan to share in this experience with me. He is getting "bored" of my pregnancy, I suppose because he just sits back and watches it happen while I get to experience it. He's already an amazing daddy. He reads stories to Jonas and talks to him through my belly. He has been so helpful to me, between giving me my shots every day, helping more around the house and going grocery shopping when I'm too tired, and just being there for me in my ups and downs on my emotional roller coaster. I couldn't ask for a better man to share this with. He's amazing. We are both getting really excited to meet our little boy and can't wait to hold him in our arms and see what he looks like. Although I have been warned by some of my co-workers taht once he is here, we will be begging to put him back in for a few more weeks, just so we can catch up on rest :) Its been really interesting and exciting to watch Melissa's little Lana grow and change, thinking that her and Jonas will be almost exactly a year apart in age. So when I saw her trying to crawl this afternoon, reaching for toys and grabbing, playing peek-a-boo, talking/babbling, and discovering her little world, I know that my little baby that is not even here yet will be at that stage in one year from now. Its incredible to think how fast that time is going to go by. I don't want to miss a moment of it. But for now, I am just trying to enjoy my pregnancy and the last few months of Dan and I being "newlyweds" before we start our family. Dan is at the store right now shopping for dinner stuff for tomorrow night so he can make me a special mothers day dinner to celebrate my first year as a "mommy". I feel so blessed that this little person will be coming into our world in just a few short months and can't wait to know more about him and his personality and see him with his daddy.

Update

Wow. I didn't realize I have been neglecting this so badly...I am now 16 1/2 weeks and feeling pretty good. I am starting to get some energy back. I never really had the morning sickness but have been super tired and its been difficult to keep up with my busy life. Dan and I have been busy preparing. We went Friday night and got a crib. Dan set it up yesterday and I decided I don't like it. So the plan for today is to take it down and return it and go get a new one. We were very excited to find out last Tuesday that we are having a little boy. Dan was especially excited about this. He told me he wishes that he would just pop out and be 5 so they could go do cool stuff together like fishing and riding bikes and whatever else daddy's do with their little boys. We have already picked out a name- actually we picked it out when we first started dating and we're sticking with it. His name will be Jonas Daniel Goin. Now that we know the gender I feel like we can really start preparing.
My belly is starting to grow and it is looking more like I am pregnant than just getting chubby. It feels good to see the evidence that my baby is growing and healthy. It definately makes it more real. The shots are going well. They are not bruising as badly and they don't hurt as bad as they did at first. Though my doctor said that when my belly gets really big in my third trimester I will probably see a lot more bruising.
I will post pictures this week of the ultrasound and of my growing belly. And I will try to keep this more updated than I have been :)

I was back at the doctor again last Thursday.... and again today! I had some bleeding on Thursday-pretty scary so they wanted to see me right away. They did another ultrasound and said everything looked good. We saw the baby's heartbeat. And also I had to start my Lovinox injections. It is not as bad as I thought it might be. Dan has been incredible!! He gives me my shot every morning--I don't think I could do it by myself. My belly has little bruises all over it but overall is not that bad. The shots sting for a few minutes pretty badly but then it goes away. Today was just to make sure everything still looked ok. And it does. We saw the heart beat again. It is 133 beats per minute. It is pretty incredible to see our little baby in there. They verified that I am six weeks and four days so my due date is Septmeber 10th. But they are already planning on inducing about 39 weeks because they have to stop the blood thinners a couple days before I deliver. My next appointment is in six weeks. I will get another ultrasound and get to meet one of the two doctors who might deliver the baby. After that I will get an ultrasound every four weeks. I will get to find out at sixteen weeks if it is a boy or a girl! We can't wait!! Then we can really start preparing. I've still been feeling good. There were a couple days with nausea and one morning of being sick but that is about it. I am a little more tired than usual but generally have felt really good.

Some good news!

I went back to the OB on Monday for another ultrasound and saw the gestational sack where my baby will live for the next eight months. The nurse confirmed that I am now between 4 and 5 weeks along. They will have a more definate due date once they can measure the fetus and see how big it is and how its growing. I go back on the 19th for another ultrasound to see if they are able to hear the babies heart beat. And to get lessons on how to poke myself every morning. YUCK!! I have been beginning to feel the nausea of early pregnancy. I have not yet been sick but it makes it difficult to teach when I feel like I might be at any time. Dan and I feel incredibly blessed and are enjoying learning about how our baby is growing and changing inside of me. Right now it is about the size of a poppy seed but its heart and nervous system are developing already. It is such an incredible miracle. We will keep everyone posted as we know more.

PREGNANT!?!

Well, I thought that this might be a good way to keep friends and family updated on my pregnancy. Dan and I are very excited to share this experience with the people we love. I suppose I will start from the beginning for those of you I have not had the chance to talk to yet. This past Monday Dan and I found out I was pregnant. We already had an idea, but after four negative home pregnancy tests, I went to the doctor and they confirmed it. They originally estimated that I am about 7 weeks-making my due date somewhere around August 23rd. I set up an appointment with an OB in our area and because I have had some cramping they wanted to see me right away. They did blood tests and said everything looked fine--I may have just been dehydrated. I have been drinking a lot of water and the cramping has gotten better. They also wanted to see me right away because I have a blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden that increases my chances of getting blood clots and can cause me to miscarry pretty easily. So I went in yesterday for my first ultrasound. Dan was able to get off work early and join me. We had a little bit of a scare because they could not find the baby or the yolk sac. But after looking at my blood tests, they think that I am probably only about 4 weeks along. They took my blood again and I have an appoinment on Monday for another ultrasound to see if they can see the baby yet. They also told me I need to start taking baby asprin- one every day of my pregnancy, to keep my blood thin. And as soon as the baby has a heart beat, I will have to give myself a daily injection of Lovinox-a blood thinner- into my belly. I guess I am quickly going to have to outgrow my fear of needles :) I have felt really good so far. No morning sickness or anything. A little heart burn but nothing too bad. And I have been a little tired so my two week break from work has been a blessing. So that is about all we know at this point. We will know a little more hopefully on Monday. Dan and I are so excited, we really can not even express how blessed we feel! Although we did not plan on kids for a couple years after the wedding, we are really excited about sharing this experience and know that it will only make our marriage stronger.